Stressed is an understatement.

.posthidden {display:none}I'm so sick of this feeling. The feeling of what your going to do. You say one thing but you never did anything when we were together why should I believe that your gonna do it this time. I already figured you weren't gonna spay rent this  month screwing me over SURPRISED? Not the slightest....your gf coming into my work yesterday already confirmed that you didn't plan on paying the rent or me back. You're so selfish. And full of greed, your only with this girl because she bought you a bunch of clothes and you didn't expect paying any of her bills. It kinda just hit me now though that i've spent all my money on clothes trying to make me in better moods that I wont be able to afford both of our rents this month. I thought everything would be okay because I get my loan for school but I wont actually get any money until Feb 1st so until then ill have to manage I guess. That'll mean another month without a license probably or at least until the end of January. I can hopefully borrow money from my grandma to pay for it now but I'll pay her back as soon as I can. Plus all the money I owe my counselor and then to reinstate my license. Its gonna be a  lot of work and Ill have to put somethings on hold but I'll manage through.

I was talking to one of my boss's earlier today and it was kind of cool because she asked me for some advice. She's going through the same situation that I'm going through right now. She's to that point where she is considering moving anywhere away from this town. For a couple of weeks I had my mind set on moving I couldn't stay in Gainesville knowing you were here. But I told her that fades away. It was kind of a lie (I was just trying to make her feel better). I still think about moving all the time now. Just to get away from this town so I wouldn't have to think about you at all. But like my mother PREACHED to me running away doesn't solve anything and moving will only make my schooling more complicated might as well finish another year and a half of school then when I get my degree move to Fort laudie or West Palm then. Which makes sense. I really dislike Gainesville, it's filled with a bunch of molly head college fuck ups and I don't want to be considered in the category. Actually I won't I just wish more people were like that. Another thing she asked me is if I ever listen to a song and actually listen to the lyrics and that wow I totally understand now. I honestly just laughed really loud because that's my everyday things now. All I do is listen to music and every song has a lyric about you our my love. Just a few for starters.....What am I gonna do when the best part of me was always you, What am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up that your ok. I'm falling to pieces. I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing. I'm wide awake while he had no trouble sleeping, Cause when a heart breaks it don't break even........I'd give up forever to touch you cause I know that you'll feel me somehow. Your the closest to heaven that ill ever be and i dont want to go home right now. And all I can taste is the moment and all I can breathe is your life. And I dont want the world to see me cause I dont think that they'll understand when every things made to be broken I just want you to know who I am." There's so many many more. One that I listen to everyday lately has been http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cw5SvvSL2rQ things like this make me miss you dearly. Well I'm feeling ana coming back which scares me. I need someone to come over so I can cook for them. I miss cooking for you, I guess I'll try to eat something hope everyone has a goodnight.