Weird day.

What a day today was. This morning I was in a slump mood after that dream but the day went good. My boss of course calls me and asks me to work on one of the only days I can sleep in...but of course me being the nice person that I am I went to work. While I was at work I got insanely good tips and get this my first boyfriend Conner apologized for everything he did. This was his exact message

"Hey celina I'm sure you don't care, anymore but I'm sorry for being a dick head to u, just felt like I should apologize for being a complete douche towards you." it seriously made my day. 2 years later but its better than never. The difference between my relationship with him and Chris is although Conner lied and cheated on me I knew that he ACTUALLY cared about me. Yes it was a high school relationship love story yes we hurt each other but with Chris right now it's hard to convince myself that he is. Conner was a real person, he would tell me what I needed to hear instead. whether it was nice or not. Chris on the other hand I so badly dont wanna call him fake but I can't convince myself that he's not. I want to believe that he actually cared but I cant. I want to so badly believe that he actually loved me but I cant. Him telling his new girlfriend that he loves her proves that his love for me was a lie. Him telling her that he wants a kid with her and calls her mrs. padgett made me realize that everything he said to me was a lie a script, his lines that he uses on every girl he's with. He thinks it's because he treats girls the best but no it's not the best when its all lies. I wish I wouldn't have been so blind to all of this. I wish I would have reconsidered moving in with him. I still would make the same choices because I did love him I just wish I could convince myself that he actually loved me, but then again it wouldn't be so easy letting him go. I guess this is how loves goes. Anyways I've been up all night watch vampire diaries and it's about time to fall asleep by myself :/ I hate sleeping alone.