Christmas Eve

.posthidden {display: none}I woke up this morning kind of in a haze, I find that I really can't sleep in anymore. I don't have to be at work till 2 but for some reason my body likes waking up around 9:30. I tried wrapping some more Christmas presents but I ran out of tape. Just my luck, I can't eat, can't sleep, I want to clean but today I just don't see the point I'm in such a groggy mood. So I decided to burn some energy and go to the gym and of course your there. My heart dropped whenever I saw you, my stomach started turning, and I couldn't help but look and see if you were looking at me too. but you weren't...of course you wouldn't you don't care. Whenever you left I thought maybe he's going to the house, maybe he's gonna break in and tell me that you want to come back. But of course you didn't. I came home and no one was here just an empty house and now I can't stop crying. For some reason I keep building some sort of hope that you might actually come back, that you realize that you do care and that you just fucked up. But you won't. Your too stuck in your own head to realize how great of a girl I really am. Every time my phone rings or I get a text message I kind of hope it'll be from you. But it won't be. I don't know why I'm tearing my self up today. I've been so positive the past few days. Maybe it's the holidays I couldn't wait to spend Christmas with you. Our first Christmas together. I couldn't wait for you to be my first valentine but that'll never happen. I hate this feeling. I wanted to share everything with you, I could imagine giving birth to our first child and you being there holding my hand all the way through it.....but that'll never happen. You want to marry and have children with her remember. WHATEVER. Fuck this. I'm gonna enjoy today, finish my Christmas shopping go spend time with my family. And enjoy seeing some of my old high school friends. I just wish you would show that you cared, but then again I don't because then it would be harder to forget about you.....I'm screwed.