Dreaming of a dream.

My sleeping habits are horrid, I can't ever seem to sleep like a normal person. I didn't, couldn't fall asleep until 8 o'clock this morning. I laid in bed, legs aching from tiredness for HOURS. Finally when I heard my mom wake up I decided to get up and chat with her for a while, that turned into me doing about an hour of workouts around 7 and crashing when I got home from running. I just got off the scale and it said 128.8 I'm not happy. The first time I got on it, the scale said 126.4 I about shit a brick, I was so estatic but as I began to think how unlikely that would be I stepped onto the scale again and I was right, my dream wasn't coming true today. I weighed 128.8. BUT I'm taking that as a challenge. I haven't eaten today and I don't particularly think I'm going to. I have my pampered chef training in about 2 hours but I thought this is a perfect day to skip dinner with no questions. When I'm there I'll politely refuse the food, and when my mom asks if I'm going to have dinner I'll just respond with I already ate. Maybe a good fasting day again will help loosing a couple more pounds before Christmas. This is going to be my Christmas present to myself, The perfect Body.

I was having some crazy thoughts last night. Thinking about the future and how my life could end up. I pretty much want the whole housewife, country styled family. Where I live we're surrounded by horse farms and woods(although town isn't but 15 minutes away) But everyone knows everyones business and although I'm not particularly happy about that I want to live here when I have my own family. I want to be close to my family here and raising my children in a place that I know and have grown up on. Sounds like the life I want, the life I dream of in all reality. I know with getting fit, and getting my heart back this is all possible. He has the perfect set up for me to have that life. I just have to get him to come back to me, but I don't plan on doing that for another couple years. I want him to go off and do what he needs to do before we ever get serious again. He always said we were going to get married when we got older and I still believe this but with my trust issues and he's his cheating habits it'd be along time before wedding bells come about. We'd have alot to work on but damn my love for that boy will never die. I'll update later tonight and let everyone know how my pampered chef goes.

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Well pampered chef meeting went okay, I would love to have a business like this on my own but I'm not quite sure I could do it at this moment. But when I'm older and have a family it sounds like a perfect second job to have fun with. I really enjoy cooking. Unfortunately I did have a small square slice of the garden veggie pizza that they made. It was so good and I'd rather it be something like that I ate then a regular pizza. I'm always proud of myself for not having any of the desserts they had :)


The real test will be coming up in the next week though. It's so hard not to eat on the holidays. It truly puts a damper on my mood for the holidays. I'm so happy I get to see my older brother and my baby nephew though. I've missed them dearly. I'm hoping I can loose another 3-4 pounds before the weekend starts though so I'll be an even 125. I'm going to try to eat as little as possible during the holidays and hopefully will not gain more than a pound. Veggie Veggie Veggies. I wish my legs looked like hers, I wish my stomach was that flat. I wish I was her.