Insanity, eh maybe?

It's now 7 O'clock in the morning, my family has awoke from a well rested nights sleep. Me on the other hand is a totally different story. I've been up all night, not one ounce of sleep slaving over ana and mia blogs, various youtube videos on eating disorders, and documentaries on recovery facilities. I think I've gone completely bonkers. One thing this has showed me is I need to absolutely be on my own to do well. I've come to realization that I'm more bulimic than anorexic. In my house full of fattening foods it's hard not to binge eat after a while, the binging....well you know leads to purging. Once I'm on my own I can control what foods come into my shopping cart at the grocery store, I can have a control more on what I put past my lips. I would like to be more ana since I seem to loose weight faster that way. Today I did pretty good considering my pre-bitch(period) week. A week before my period I always eat like a mad man, and break out like I just put extra pepperoni on a hot new pizza. Well I'm going to finally sleep, I'm exhausted now.............

Well I just woke up, it's about 3:30 and I had the most stressful dream about CB today. We literally argued in my entire dream. About everything, mostly about the past. The weird part was everything seemed so real, although I hadn't seen him since my birthday party I can still remember every detail his body encounters from his face to his 2nd grade scribbled hand writing. For some reason my family was giving me presents, while he made me cry. SO typical. Then outta no where some old black guy started preaching to us that we argue to much and that if we didn't learn to get along we would never last as a couple, after that I woke up. Although it wasn't good dream, I wish it were still real, even if it was arguments that whole time at least I had him again. He was also drunk in this dream lol.

I'm not even gonna talk about my weight right now I'm so depressed saying it out loud will only upset me more. But ana is staying with me today, hiding out in my room. Oh and big unstressful yet depressing thing just happened.....I just deleted my facebook. I feel an emptiness but like so much weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I'm sick of seeing everyone either
A. Complaining about being single and how lonely they are.
B. How happy they are and how perfect their life is(not many people have been posting these but seeing them makes me sick to my stomach and makes me hate them)
C. Or people talking about how shitty their life is, we are all stuck in a shitty life fucktard, what makes you like I want to hear you complain about your existence. You don't see me posting about how low my life has been lately.(I want to tear my hair out)

Another thing that has been irritating me is my best friend. Now I love her to death but every night she goes out, she's carefree having fun without me and that has definitely put me in a slump. I wish I could have a ton of pretty friends while my body is perfect itself but I'm not so I sulk at home looking a her daily club updates wishing I was her.