Depressed Sinhole

I haven't been this down in a while, I really think it's just my period and emotions but everydamnthing has been getting on my nerves, not really but the out side world has been. I'm at least happy I've been hanging out with some guy friends lately at the pool hall, it gets me out of the house, I dont have to eat, and I dont drink which right now is what I need. I don't exactly know why I'm depressed I'm just bored with my life maybe? I wish I had more of a life maybe? I probly will be complaining in a month once I start school and see how stressful life really is going to be......but Im so fucking excited yet sad. I'm sad I wont be able to see my family everyday but I have to grow up sometime and I really would like to have my own freedom. It's my nerves.

On to better things, I did really well today. Haven't ate anything besides on bite of a cookie. Call me crazy but I was thinking about it this evening, when I get older I want to own a cafe with lots of coffee and sweet goodies. And to think these things I love to hate is what made me fat, but I want to own a business surrounded by food. This thought occured to me when I was baking my fabulous snickerdoodle, sugar, and peanutbutter chocolate chip cookies. Let me remind you I didn't eat any, I'm pretty proud of myself. I thought about having one, took a bite and thought about how well I've done today so I told my mom to try the rest. She loved them of course :) It's so ironic how I can hate food, but loving baking for people. I still really regret that bite of cookie though. So tomorrow I have a visit with my probation officer. Yay!<-saracastic I get to go in, let him tell me my progress, give them my money, with a big smile on my face when in all reality I just want to yell "Hey queerbait go fuck yourself." Only 9 and half months more of this shit. I can get threw it.

On another hand one of my ex's/mine good friends is throwing a christmas party I'm excited about. He want's to "get with me" I've known this for a while, he is pretty cute, funny as hell, and has an AMAZING body but as much as I want too I'm not going to have sex with him. BUT I do want to be cute and skinny so I'm going to try and fast as long as I can, and totally restrict. The main reason for that I just in case CB decides to show his face there. He isn't the main reason for me loosing weight, I want to loose the weight for myself but doesn't mean I won't flaunt it in front of CB :) anyways I'm going to take a shower. Waking up early in the morning goodnight lovelys. Hope everyone had a good day.