I hate myself, is that enough?



^Aint that the damn truth!

Once again, I feel like a fat fuck. I ate so much today, but I tryed to throw up most of it. I look at my ex's girlfriend today and finally realized why he chose her over me, well I always knew why but it finally hit me. I look at her body in envy, she's so skinny I hate her. Honestly we use to be friends and she's actually nice and I like her, but I want to hate her with a passion because she has what I want, what I had, what she stole from me. Some friend she was huh? I not only envy her body but her morals, she actually has dignity something I lost with my ex. But that's what made him so attracted to her, she was the one girl that was hard to get. But then again now that he has her he treats her the same as he treated me....like shit. I don't understand myself, why do I want someone so bad that treats me like shit. I've thought alot about this, it's not that I want him exactly I remember when we were together it felt like we were married. Like a married couple, and I didn't like it. Probly because I was so young but it's the fact that he doesn't want me anymore that drives me crazy. This kid honestly gets on my nerve but I love him. How do you win? As much as he annoys the living shit outta me, he's the only guy that I've ever loved and think about everyday. And like I said before I want my heart back.

I know my face is prettier than her's or like I'd like to believe, but how am I suppose to compete with a body like this^

 No wonder why CB chose her over me :/

If I have this body, I can at least be even with her.

Starting Sunday I'm going back on my skinny diet, little eating, alot of exercising and being skinny.

Fuck all of this, fuck everything. Fuck this fat.