I'm so bored with my life, I feel like I do nothing with it the past couple months. That's because honestly I haven't done anything. I cant wait to start this new job, start making really good money and start school. I can finally move out on my own, get me a sweet ass bike(or car) fix my truck up, get lots of nice new clothes(when I finally loose this weight) be extremely hot, have hot guys chasing me. Ahhh that sounds like the life.
Speaking of weight, I didn't gain as much weight as I thought I did. I weighed myself yesterday I weighed a little over 137. Cant say I was happy but I was pleasant to see that I hadn't gained more. I ate a salad and some chicken noodle soup my mom made and I lost a little over a pound so I'm even more happy. I weighed myself this morning and I weighed 136 flat. Yesterday I didn't even exercise and I lost weight.
Today I woke up reallly late but I had some turkey and lettuce and cheese which adds up to about 160 in calories. I'm stilll kinda hungry so I think I'm gonna boil some eggs and have one just to filll me up.
I don't reallly know what to say about Sebo right now. We've def. been flirting and talking more but I don't know what he wants. He brought up my ex the other night, he always new that was my first love but I was very surprised that he even brought him up. When I tryed to bring up the fact that he has a girlfriend he changed the subject quick as hell. I don't know, he is someone I can see myself spending the rest of my life with, I think? I know he's not my soul mate, but he's a very good guy. And I would love to be with him right now but I'm afraid I wont want to be with him later I guess? He aspires me so much with his school and boxing, I really look up to him and I know he would treat me like a princess I think I'm more attracked to his personality than looks and I think that's what I need right now but will that last forever, I'm so bad with commitment. I run from the very start of it.
I know I wont actually be able to fully "be" as in live with him until he finishes school in another 3 years, I guess I just don't want to be with him for a long time and then find someone (like my soul mate) and then break his heart. Long distance relationships are very hard, I learned that the first time we dated but right now I feel like falling off the planet and focus on straight school and work and getting my life together for the future and just being there for him. He says I think way to far into the future(I know I do) and I honestly don't even know if he would give me another chance, when we broke up he told me that we would never get back together but like the other night when we were talking about old times he says he wishes he could do them again so I'm very confused right now. I just don't want to miss out in case he does want to get back with me but I'm afraid to try and look like a dumbass when he turns me down. I think Im reading to much into it, Im gonna kinda just keep easing my way in there and ask him when I get a little liquid courage and ask him when he comes home from christmas.
That's another thing that has been running threw my mind lately, I know he wants me to come hang out and bring some friends so he can show his friends a good time, but I really dont know what he means by that. Im not tracking his thought at alll, I dont know if he just wants to use me for my friends or he actually wants to see me. He tells me he does, I just dont know if he's telling me that to tell me or if thats what he actually means.
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