Okay, so I'm pretty ecstatic that I lost 2 POUNDS in one day, Yesterday morning when I weighed myself I was 136 when I weighed myself last night before I went to bed I weighed 135 so I was pretty happy that I knew I had lost a pound (forgiven I had pooped last night too) so that was probly why I lost the pound but I was not expecting to loosing another pound when I woke up today, so I'm pleased but I look at my body and I hate everything about it.
My goal weight use to be 125 I'm now shooting for between 110-115 I think with my height 5'4 that would be a pretty standard weight. I don't want to be anorexic stick skinny where I have no tits or ass but I want to be skinny enough to feel skinny? I don't know if that will ever happen for me but that's what I'm aiming for. I look at my body in complete disgust.
Growing up I was always the fat one. I was super skinny until I hit about 7 or 8 then I pulnged. My freshmen year of high school I weighed briefly around 170 pounds. THANK GOD I'm not that big anymore. I lost 30 pounds the summer before my sophomore year but my weight always fluctuates from 140-130 since then. My dramatic weight loss from when I was younger has still stayed with my body though. My skin is very thin and brittle so I have alot of excessive skin like in my arms, inners legs, calfs, stomach, worst part my boobs, EVERYWHERE. The one part of my body that annoys me the most is my boobs though, they sagg like I'm a 60 old woman and I hate it. At my highest weight my boobs were falling out of a D cup now I barely fit into a C cup and it's full of saggness. I plan on getting a boob job within the next year and a half, just to make them perkier again.
I want to find a lotion or something that makes my skin more defined and thinker I guess? If not within the next 5 years I plan on getting my legs and arms fix though, the excessive skin drives me absolutely INSANE. I'm to the point where I will loose more weight and if my skin gets any loose I'm gonna kill myself. I reallly don't even care if my parents know that I have a problem with my food, I just don't care. They already know I'm not happy with my body and that I want many surgery's done to it so why not tell them I creating a eating disorder on the way, I'm pretty sure they think that they know anyways. Then I won't have to hide it so much either, I know that their not gonna approve of it at all but what can they do? It's my body and they learned that quick when they forbided me to get a tattoo when I was younger, and I did that so I have control over my body not them. Im trying to make my blog a little prettier and put some new things on it so if it looks ugly for a while dont judge me lol
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