Wasn't amazed or impressed when I stepped onto the scale this morning. 134.2 Not at alll good, and not impressed at all with my eating today. :/

I have no one to blame but myself. I did so good today......until this evening. I spent half the day with grandma again doing our yard sale(grandma I think has a bit of an eating disorder so she never eats).... but made pretty good money threw out the day. It's amusing how the saying "one mans trash is another mans treasure" is so true. I made 70 bucks on stuff that was hidden in my closet that I wont ever wear or stuff that was given to me that I wont ever use or wear so I'd say it was pretty decent day. It put me in a pretty good mood honestly(except for my tiredness that had caught up with me from the previous nights) I was exhausted when it hit around 4 so I took a nap slept till about 6:30 when I woke up I was hungry and my head was not straight. I was awoke from my siblings and cousins. My family was home and brought sweet fatass goodies with them. About 20 cupcakes. I ATE THREE. They were so delis. I couldn't resist eating one, than another, and yet another one. I was full of hunger when I woke up and not having my head on straight it made me endulge in not only those but some high fattening mac n cheese. And not just the cheap kraft regular mac n cheese but the white cheddar shell mac n cheese. I was disgusted with myself. I tried to get ride of it. BIG SURPRISE right? But I'm thinking that I didn't. I thought I still had food in my stomach but I couldn't throw up anything but water. I tried, and tried, and tried. But barely anything came out. I was puking air.

And to make matters worse I've been drinking tonight. But drinking calories don't bother me as much as food calories. I drink to get drunk, so I see it as a good excuse, wheres as food I constantly stress about and don't think is an excuse for calories. It's a little after 2 and I'm pretty buzzed, convincing myself that I shouldn't text Sebo, and exhausted. I don't want to text Sebo because I feel like he's busy or worse my head is convincing me that he's with his gf this weekend(or he had a boxing match) either one doesn't excuse him from not texting me back last night. Maybe the fact that he was with his gf but he could have told me his reason this morning. I feel like I'm trying to hard and that is my worst absolute worst pet peeve. When I'm trying and its being blown off, like I've said before I know he really truly is a busy man but again a text does not take but a few seconds to write.

As you can see I held off on the party, I didnt want the after effects that Conner and D give me so I changed my mind on attending, Anyways my drinking has made me exhausted, drowsy and vulnerable so I'm gonna take my tipsy ass to bed before I do something I'll regret in the morning. So goodnight to all, may your weight goals come true, remember to stay strong even when it may seem impossible.

Oh and when I awake in the morning I will have them brain mentality that I wont eat. I will be strong tomorrow and eat if anything, it would be dinner that I will more than likely throw up.  I will reach my goal, even if that means throwing up everyday. I will do anything to reach it, and right now throwing up is the laziest and easiest way for me so even if it's ruining my body right now, it will be worth it in the long run.