Failure.

I feel like a complete utterly ugly failure, failed failed failed today. Thanks to the unhealthy foods in my house and the abundance amount of halloween candy its hard to stick to my liquid diet. I feel nasty right now, I purged pretty much everything I ate today or tried to but I know those little tiny candy bars, and dinner I still didn't get everything all out.

Now I'm exhausted, feeling weak, shaky, and like a complete ugly bastard. I didn't work out today, I smoked my last cigarette and now I'm reading a bunch of ana blogs and making myself feel worse. While I'm reading all these girls doing so well I'm indulging in peanut butter and fluff sandwiches. What am I doing to myself. I guess I asked this on myself. I told my mom I was craving a fluff sandwich. I didn't think she would really buy it, but she did. Thank god it's all gone now but I felt terrible eating it. Especially since I have my date sunday. Blahhhh.

I feel really weird right now. I just smoked a cigarette and I feel sick, like my head isn't connected to my body. I'm not diggin' this feeling right now. I think I'm just gonna try to sleep, maybe that's my problem. I just need to get a good night sleep and refresh my mind and get a good workout in the morning.

I had some crazy dreams last night. I had a dream about Sebo, he had died and while I was at his funeral I was still able to talk to him some how. I cant really remember how, whether it was in my head or threw a text message but I remember that I could still talk to him like I was the only one. Maybe its the fact that we've been talking almost every night but not actually being able to see him? I'm really confused about it. I know I had a dream about Conner too but I don't remember that dream at alll. Hopefully I don't have crazy dreams like that tonight they kinda put me in a disctint mood. I just don't know, but tomorrow I'm gonna try to do good. Eat healthy and drink lots of water. Now that their aren't as much bad foods I think I'll do better the next couple days but its gonna be a challenge with my period coming up and not have cigarettes until the weekend. Hopefully reading some blogs will help me become stronger. Goodnight ladies.