Depressed.

I'm not in a very good mood today, stupid hormones. Nothing seems to be working out for me. I slept till 2 today, I couldn't believe it. It's not like I needed the sleep I seem to be doing nothing but sleeping lately. I feel like I'm stuck today. I'm not going anywhere in life. I feel blah, depressed...I wanna get out of this slump. I feel like I haven't truly been happy in over a year and a half. I've been talking to my ex every now and then the past couple weeks and I truly cant stop thinking about him. I miss him so much and I was to young and naive to real how much I cared about him back and the day. I was in love with Conner still, when I was dating Sebo. Sebo was the greatest guy, he could treat me like a princess but still get on me like I needed. I made Sebo break up with me because I wanted Conner back and I thought we were gonna get back together. SURPRISE that didn't happen but I did cheat on Sebo with Conner which wasn't right. I still remember the day I made him break up with me, I pushed him and pushed him and somewhat of me regrets it alot because we'd probly still be together, but somewhat of me is glad because now that I'm older and a little wiser I realized how good of a guy Sebo is and that if he gave me another chance(that's all in my head he probly wont) I wouldn't take it for granted again. He now has a new gf and they've been together for a while but he calls or texts me ever so often and tells me that he misses me or to chat like he kinda whats rekindle something, but I highly doubt that. Once he sets his mind on something its done, nothing is getting in his way. Kind of like when we first met, he tried and tried until he got me. And I liked that, I liked that he actually tried for me. Not many guys are like that and I realize that now. It was very difficult being with Sebo, it was a long distant relationship at points and that really bugged me. He goes to West Point(An army school in New York) which is quite a way from my home, so I only really got to see him every couple months once a month if I was lucky, but we had a passion that I cant seem to find with alot of guys now. And even though those months felt like years, those couple days that seemed like hours were so worth it. I guess its true that sometimes you have to wait for the one you love. I've realize now that I did love Sebo, my head was just stuck up an assholes ass to realize it.

Another thing that is driving me absolutely insane...I cant check my weight, our scale ran outta batteries and my mom hasn't gotten new ones for it, I know I've gained a couple pounds I think I'm around 135 still but its driving me crazy not knowing how much I weigh. I've been lazy lately but I'm gotta help my little brothers team and run tonight so that should get me for today's workout. Hopefully.