has gotten so weird. I think I'm getting sick, i literally slept all day. Did nothing, around 9 I made myself go to the gym ended up staying there till 130. I've became quit the gym rat. I'm so thankful that its right across the street. This gym is saving me ALOT. That's mainly the reason why I don't want to move. I love it being so close. I've been thinking a lot about my life lately. I usually always have a plan, I have to plan out my life if I don't I never know what the next step for me is. I recently changed my plans slightly. I should say adding on. I've highly been considering on becoming a personal trainer until I finish school. I can make ok money and have somewhat of a good job. Plus my classes this semester pretty much deal with the body. I can be certified in like 2 months and I love working out and helping people so I'm thinking why not. When I was with Chris I forgot how much I loved working out. And I don't understand why I disliked it when I was with him. I've always worked out. In high school I was a cheerleader played softball and weightlifting after I always kept the habit. It makes me feel better about myself, about my life. I cant figure out why I stopped when I was with him, he works out everyday shouldn't I have wanted to too? I'm kind of nervous to ask him if I can borrow his book. I don't know why either, I guess I just don't want him to think that I'm trying to steal his mojo that I'm doing it to get back at him or something.
My life has turned into weirdness. Not really but I'm shocked at some of the people. Like Conner him apologizing and then catching up never thought that would have happened but last night my best friend in high school pretty much pronounced that he's been in love with me since we first met........WHAT?!? This is the boy I would run to for everything in high school, he was like my brother whenever I needed help or was crying over Conner he was the person I would run to. I basically had my own bed at his house. We shared all our secrets together but this is one secret he never told me. He has such a good heart but he doesn't always do the right things. He lives with his girlfriend and they have a 6 month old baby together and he waits till now to tell me. He told me that for the last 6 months he's been trying to get a hold of me. But of course I didn't have the same number and no facebook so I went kind of mia he also doesn't have a facebook. I never realized that he cared about me like that, I'm used to all my guy friends liking me they usually do but they never take it to the next level because they know that our friendship will end. With him though its different like I love him to death but I don't think I could love him like that. He's already telling me that he loves me but that is because he's always loved me. Last night I told him that I'm not the same girl back in high school, I'm not going out, not doing drugs or drinking I'm so focused on getting my life good, trying to get a good job, working out everyday because I will be doing a show at the end of this year. I want to be on that stage again I did it in modeling and cheerleading competitions and I love that atmosphere. But like I told him I'm different. I have different goals now and I don't think he'll fit in that picture. His response to that was "Celina truthfully if you still have the same beautiful smile, the same sexy seductive eyes, and the same laugh that I fell in love with I don't think any changes big or small could change the feelings I have for you. (and that sexy little moan/giggle wouldn't hurt either) I don't think something that came to grow over 3 years could be effected by a few changes." Like how can you not fall for someone like that. He's not the typical juice head boy that I like. He's a skater boy with long hair so he really doesn't fit my liking and I don't know if he still does drugs if so we definitely wont ever be together. He's still a very good person and its hard not to like him I now know that he is head over heels in love with me. I know that he would do everything and anything just to make me happy. He's going to school to be a doctor so I really wouldn't have much to worry about in life if anything did happen between us. There's something holding me back though.....and honestly its because I can't let go of you. He's in love with me and I'm in love with you. I can't seem to get it through my head that you aren't coming back. I guess its just hope that you will come back....and its ridiculous that I'm doing this to myself you already told me that you weren't coming back, that we won't ever get back together but I don't believe you. I believe that one day we will and if that is a possibility I won't be with Jeremy. I would choose you over him and I couldn't be stuck in that situation of possibly hurting him. Also I always told myself that I would not date anyone with a kid and he has one so I don't know how I would handle that. You though fit my liking, we both want to live the same life but you lie and mistreat me. He doesn't but would never do anything to hurt me. I'm so confused by it all. I want you but you don't want me. Not right now anyways, I know in the future your gonna wish you wouldn't have let me go everyone that is around me always falls in love with me and that's because I'm a good hearted person. These people are usually the ones that screw me over and then regret it in the end. I don't want you to regret it, I want you to realize what you had before its too late and I'm gone then you can't ever have me again, just watch me be happy with out you but I don't want that to happen. I want you to be the reason that I'm happy. My mom showed me this quote and she's right your gonna hate yourself for doing this.
My life has turned into weirdness. Not really but I'm shocked at some of the people. Like Conner him apologizing and then catching up never thought that would have happened but last night my best friend in high school pretty much pronounced that he's been in love with me since we first met........WHAT?!? This is the boy I would run to for everything in high school, he was like my brother whenever I needed help or was crying over Conner he was the person I would run to. I basically had my own bed at his house. We shared all our secrets together but this is one secret he never told me. He has such a good heart but he doesn't always do the right things. He lives with his girlfriend and they have a 6 month old baby together and he waits till now to tell me. He told me that for the last 6 months he's been trying to get a hold of me. But of course I didn't have the same number and no facebook so I went kind of mia he also doesn't have a facebook. I never realized that he cared about me like that, I'm used to all my guy friends liking me they usually do but they never take it to the next level because they know that our friendship will end. With him though its different like I love him to death but I don't think I could love him like that. He's already telling me that he loves me but that is because he's always loved me. Last night I told him that I'm not the same girl back in high school, I'm not going out, not doing drugs or drinking I'm so focused on getting my life good, trying to get a good job, working out everyday because I will be doing a show at the end of this year. I want to be on that stage again I did it in modeling and cheerleading competitions and I love that atmosphere. But like I told him I'm different. I have different goals now and I don't think he'll fit in that picture. His response to that was "Celina truthfully if you still have the same beautiful smile, the same sexy seductive eyes, and the same laugh that I fell in love with I don't think any changes big or small could change the feelings I have for you. (and that sexy little moan/giggle wouldn't hurt either) I don't think something that came to grow over 3 years could be effected by a few changes." Like how can you not fall for someone like that. He's not the typical juice head boy that I like. He's a skater boy with long hair so he really doesn't fit my liking and I don't know if he still does drugs if so we definitely wont ever be together. He's still a very good person and its hard not to like him I now know that he is head over heels in love with me. I know that he would do everything and anything just to make me happy. He's going to school to be a doctor so I really wouldn't have much to worry about in life if anything did happen between us. There's something holding me back though.....and honestly its because I can't let go of you. He's in love with me and I'm in love with you. I can't seem to get it through my head that you aren't coming back. I guess its just hope that you will come back....and its ridiculous that I'm doing this to myself you already told me that you weren't coming back, that we won't ever get back together but I don't believe you. I believe that one day we will and if that is a possibility I won't be with Jeremy. I would choose you over him and I couldn't be stuck in that situation of possibly hurting him. Also I always told myself that I would not date anyone with a kid and he has one so I don't know how I would handle that. You though fit my liking, we both want to live the same life but you lie and mistreat me. He doesn't but would never do anything to hurt me. I'm so confused by it all. I want you but you don't want me. Not right now anyways, I know in the future your gonna wish you wouldn't have let me go everyone that is around me always falls in love with me and that's because I'm a good hearted person. These people are usually the ones that screw me over and then regret it in the end. I don't want you to regret it, I want you to realize what you had before its too late and I'm gone then you can't ever have me again, just watch me be happy with out you but I don't want that to happen. I want you to be the reason that I'm happy. My mom showed me this quote and she's right your gonna hate yourself for doing this.
