Lessons.

I've been meaning to write on here for a while now. I've been dealing with a shit ton of BULLSHIT this past month and I miss my blog...I tend to forget how venting eases my soul.....where do I even start? My life has been terrible, yet great at the same time. My boyfriend of 6 months, well let's just say we broke up. I found out that he's been with some other girl the whole time or quite a few of them I should say... We've had a lot of problems because we both tend to lie about everything....the only difference I was ready to stop. He wasn't. He completely broke me and left me in the dark to die. But I realized the good guy I thought I had wasn't the great. He lied about everything to me. He never cared, he used me and destroyed my confidence. Now that I'm returning back to my old self I can't help but thank him because I am becoming happy again but in a different way. I don't feel the need to drink and get wasted every night because I'm lonely hurt or sad. I've turned to God and he's to blame. I've been working out for at least 3 hours everyday slowly returning my body back to its normal stage. I gained almost 30 pounds being with him....I never actually saw how fat I was until I looked at some of recent pictures. I don't know why I let myself get that big. Maybe because I was happy most of the time he was around? Maybe I was miserable being with him? Nah I wouldn't say I was miserable I definitely loved this boy, I would have done anything and everything I possible could for him but yet again just like Conner he screwed me over. I gave my everything and when I made him leave at first I had nothing I sat around my house for a week and sulked. I recently found out that he cheated on his new girlfriend(with me) that he supposedly "loves" and wants to have a kid with.....Him doing what he did the other night made me realize that everything he is....everything he said was fake and maybe that is why it is so easy to get over him. Maybe it is because I've always been a strong independent women and I let some little boy play with my head, maybe it's because each day I get skinnier, I get more toned and everyday I fall back in love with myself. I've always realized that I've had problems but I've had the greatest people in life to fall unto to help me get threw situations....and I feel kinda bad because I don't think he has anyone like that. I don't think he actually lets people go inside his head but to be sane you have to let people in otherwise you never truly will be happy. I've learned that life goes on, whether certain people want to be in it or not..but whether they do or not I will be happy again. I'm taking this bad situation and turning it into a good one. Him leaving had opened my mind and cleared it. I couldn't see what was happening right in front of me but I can now understand it because he left. I think him doing that is the best thing either one of us could do. Yes I get sad because I miss him but I'm being grateful for the time we had because even if it wasn't real to him it was real to me. I guess I'm just growing up, I'm becoming wiser and I'm learning and thanking God every step of the way. I've been praying everyday because life could be much worse. I spent the night with my dad and step mom last night and I seriously had the best time. My dad is going through some of the same things I'm going through. He's having to let go and learn the life changes but we just have to roll with the punches and take it for what it is. Because really we have it made. Learning to change the eneviable will only screw with your head so just take it like it is and be grateful. God is putting me through this because he knows I can only become a greater person in the out come and he knows I can and will get through this and I trust him. Anyways I'm ready for Christmas for me it means good time with family and catching up with old friends and I can't wait. Much love- Celina