Something about midnight.

I dont know what has made me become such a night owl lately but I love staying up all night and sleeping all day, it's not that I mean to I don't really like sleeping all day when my family's around but I just can't seem to pick myself out of bed until the sun is almost down. As I go on with this diet I find my self esteem going down more and more. I get more depressed everyday, and I don't want to blame it on the dieting because that seems the only thing keeping me happy at the moment but I'm not like how I use to be, so joyous, so happy, so carefree. I use to never care what other people thought about me but now it seems like the only thing I can think about. "I bet that cute boy over there thinks I'm fat"

One thing that enlighten my mood last night was shopping, as I was shopping grabbing size 3 shorts and small shirts I was thinking to myself these aren't going to fit but I'm going to try anyway. Most of everything I had was loose, which I was pleased with. But when I got home I realized I wasn't happy as I stepped onto the scale I gained a pound. Most of it was probly the dinner I had still in my body but it still upset me to the point where that's all I could think about. I don't want to live like this forever but as I thought when I get older I'm not going to be able to eat regular meals with my family. I will have to be the wife who eats salads and continuously watch what I eat. Damn body. Oh well I guess that's life, some girls get blessed with the perfect bodies others have to work for them. I can tell my body is getting smaller though, mostly in my legs so I'm going to try on the pair of size 5 jeans that have never seemed to fit. I don't understand how size 3 in everything else fits good or loose but these stubborn 5s wont go up past my legs. Errr, anyways died my hair a little darker I'm excited to see how well it looks. It's that dying my hair is the highlight of my saturday. I wish I had a life again, like tonight I was excited to get out of my house but when I did, I just wanted to come back home and get into my comfort zone again. This is where I think I'm loosing myself.