.posthidden {display: none} is a caotic mess right now, but I'm trying not to fall apart. I'm trying to hold it together and be strong for I pray that it will get better. My heart goes out to you right now for the pain your enduring. I asked God to make you feel pain to be hurt but not that kind of pain. And on his birthday he did that. I didn't want you to be physical hurt but mentally by your heart. I wanted you to feel MY pain. The pain my heart has been put through, the kind of pain to where you can't breathe because you've lost the one you love, the kind of pain where your heart is beating so fast that it hurts and you feel like your having a heart attack so you feel like ripping it out. Honestly it litterally feels like you ripped my heart out. I wanted you to cry the kind of crying I go through to where it hurts so bad that you can't make a sound. To be short breathed and having panic attacks because your loved one left. Your heart cringing and break while you feel it slowly falling apart. I wanted you to feel the pain where your so in love that it makes you sick literally to where your crying so hard that you puke. I wanted you to feel the pain to where you can't stop shaking because I'm not wrapped up in your arms to make you feel safe. I wanted you to feel the pain to where you learned to appreciate love and see that REAL love can be such a beautiful thing. I just wanted you to feel the pain that you put me through. I asked God to make you feel pain, but not this kind of pain....
Now your going to screw me over, you've already taken the love I loved the most. Now your going to take this love and throw it in the trash. Your going to take our bed where all our wonderful memories we made and go make fake new ones with this new girl. All those nights we spent in our bed cuddled up sleeping naked, all the nights of wonderful sex and love making. Just thrown away to dissapear. Forever. I asked God to make your realize that love is wonderful and I wanted you to be real about it, not fake it. I can't tell if you were real about it or not. You told me you really did love me and when I started to see you actaully show emotion over hurting you I believed you. But all the lies you told me turn my head into not believing it was real. Maybe it's because it was so real to me that I want to make myself believe its real. So take our bed, take your couches and tv's and dishes take every damn thing away from me but don't take my love and pretend that it never happened. You've stolen my heart stomped on it broke it into a million pieces but it still has a dying passion of love for you. I would have died for you. In a way I have died a little now that your gone.
Your going to throw away OUR REAL LOVE and tosh it in the trash.....and just give up and for that I hate you. Your a coward to your own heart for turning away from real true love.
There are so many things I regret doing to you, not being there for you, hiting you, arguing with you screwing up your head and all those drunk nights I put you through but you helped me. You picked me up when I was down, you fixed all my childhood demons. You put love in me and all I gave you was hate. But I was tired, drained, exhausted with all the stuff on my shoulders. I thought if I worked hard now that eventually our lives would get better, we'd have more money where I could support us, support our family. But I guess working to hard made me bitter and now I won't get to experience my wonderful little family I thought we could have had. I wanted to learn with you, grow with you and become not just me and you but an us forever. Where 2 people join hand and hand to become one. I wanted that ring on my finger so I could forever beclaimed yours. I pushed you a little hard for that. I'm sorry. I thank you for everything you have given me. I don't drink anymore. I've actually learned to stop smoking nasty ass cigarettes, and my heart is learning to enjoy the little things and talk to God for help and guidance . I've been working out to make my body better, learning to train my brain that I need to eat and eating clean. I've lost about 15 pounds and at first I wasn't doing it the healthy way but I'm trying to be better about that. And it's all thanks to you. You told me that in order to be happy in a relationship I have to be first be happy with myself and I think I've reached that goal. I'm a good person with a big heart and I have so much to give. I just wish you'd come back so I could give it to you. If only I had one wish I wouldn't wish for a big house or to be fifthy rich or any of the materilstic things I would wish to have you back in my arms forever and ever. Then I could honestly say I was the happiest girl in the world.
I will pray for you...pray that you make a fast recovery and that you will get better. And that you realized how true my love was for you even as messed up as it was it was the realest love. Maybe one day very soon you will come back....maybe im giving my heart false hope. But if it was real for you wouldn't have left, or you would want to come back and try again right?
Life gives us lessons so we become wiser I've learned my lessons recently and I've became a better person in the end. I hope that the pain your going through gives you a lesson. Yes your very attractive and you have a good personality but that shouldn't be all in a person for we have scars some are visible some are hidden in our souls. But your looks don't make you, everyday you wake up you'll have to look at yourself in the mirror and I hope its with sincere eyes, a clear mind and a good heart. And remember the love that we had and take that love and build it into something more. Take those battle wounds and scars and make them beautiful because thats what makes you...you.
Now your going to screw me over, you've already taken the love I loved the most. Now your going to take this love and throw it in the trash. Your going to take our bed where all our wonderful memories we made and go make fake new ones with this new girl. All those nights we spent in our bed cuddled up sleeping naked, all the nights of wonderful sex and love making. Just thrown away to dissapear. Forever. I asked God to make your realize that love is wonderful and I wanted you to be real about it, not fake it. I can't tell if you were real about it or not. You told me you really did love me and when I started to see you actaully show emotion over hurting you I believed you. But all the lies you told me turn my head into not believing it was real. Maybe it's because it was so real to me that I want to make myself believe its real. So take our bed, take your couches and tv's and dishes take every damn thing away from me but don't take my love and pretend that it never happened. You've stolen my heart stomped on it broke it into a million pieces but it still has a dying passion of love for you. I would have died for you. In a way I have died a little now that your gone.
Your going to throw away OUR REAL LOVE and tosh it in the trash.....and just give up and for that I hate you. Your a coward to your own heart for turning away from real true love.
There are so many things I regret doing to you, not being there for you, hiting you, arguing with you screwing up your head and all those drunk nights I put you through but you helped me. You picked me up when I was down, you fixed all my childhood demons. You put love in me and all I gave you was hate. But I was tired, drained, exhausted with all the stuff on my shoulders. I thought if I worked hard now that eventually our lives would get better, we'd have more money where I could support us, support our family. But I guess working to hard made me bitter and now I won't get to experience my wonderful little family I thought we could have had. I wanted to learn with you, grow with you and become not just me and you but an us forever. Where 2 people join hand and hand to become one. I wanted that ring on my finger so I could forever beclaimed yours. I pushed you a little hard for that. I'm sorry. I thank you for everything you have given me. I don't drink anymore. I've actually learned to stop smoking nasty ass cigarettes, and my heart is learning to enjoy the little things and talk to God for help and guidance . I've been working out to make my body better, learning to train my brain that I need to eat and eating clean. I've lost about 15 pounds and at first I wasn't doing it the healthy way but I'm trying to be better about that. And it's all thanks to you. You told me that in order to be happy in a relationship I have to be first be happy with myself and I think I've reached that goal. I'm a good person with a big heart and I have so much to give. I just wish you'd come back so I could give it to you. If only I had one wish I wouldn't wish for a big house or to be fifthy rich or any of the materilstic things I would wish to have you back in my arms forever and ever. Then I could honestly say I was the happiest girl in the world.
I will pray for you...pray that you make a fast recovery and that you will get better. And that you realized how true my love was for you even as messed up as it was it was the realest love. Maybe one day very soon you will come back....maybe im giving my heart false hope. But if it was real for you wouldn't have left, or you would want to come back and try again right?
Life gives us lessons so we become wiser I've learned my lessons recently and I've became a better person in the end. I hope that the pain your going through gives you a lesson. Yes your very attractive and you have a good personality but that shouldn't be all in a person for we have scars some are visible some are hidden in our souls. But your looks don't make you, everyday you wake up you'll have to look at yourself in the mirror and I hope its with sincere eyes, a clear mind and a good heart. And remember the love that we had and take that love and build it into something more. Take those battle wounds and scars and make them beautiful because thats what makes you...you.
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