I've had THE BEST weekend, but I guess even with the best you have to except the failure. I aloud myself to cheat a little tryed not to eat that much. My dads family everyone is big drinkers and they all smoke weed. Needless to say they raised some drunks too, all weekend I was wasted with my brother. It honestly was a blast and something I definitely needed, I was getting a little depressed but being with my brother cheered me up so much. Yesterday my happiness ended, back to reality it was. I never really ate a full meal yesterday. BUT at my grandma's I ate a SHIT load of crackers and cheese. But all day yesterday I felt like shit, my stomach was in knots from A. Eating food for the first time in a week B. Drinking 3 bottles in 2 days with my brother OR C. All of the above.
Last Friday I reached my second goal, I woke up with a total of 124.8 whopping pounds. I was so happy, I reached it I haven't been that small in a longggggg time so all weekend I felt skinny, my tight jeans were fitting ever so easy up my legs and around my waist. My tummy was flat and pretty. Now it's Monday not feeling well still. My stomach feels full still and weighed down. I now don't have that skinny feeling, my pants are tight again, and I feel sick with no flat tummy.
I knew I was going to gain weight, I relieved myself of a happy weekend and I thought I did pretty decent eating wise this weekend(exception of last night) but if I knew I was going to gain THIS much weight I don't know if I still would choose the same course. I weighed 133 something I didn't even want to look past the point. I saw 133 and wanted to cry. I didn't think I'd go over the 130's so now I'm having to once a again start back the fuck over. I want to stay in bed and never come out. I feel like a failure. I'm done I don't even want to write anymore.
No comments:
Post a Comment